"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
