Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
