hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
