I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
