we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
