You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
