Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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