I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
