Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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