i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
