take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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