Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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