I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
