if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Your penis caused this!
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