Don't make out with my wife yet
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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