I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize