wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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