Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
