It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
