are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
