literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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