I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
