your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
