her vagine was all disorganized.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
