I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize