It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's shark week go big or go home
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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