Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
