my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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