You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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