just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
