Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
