I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
a search helicopter?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
