forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
