i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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