i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
