Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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