i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
