you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize