Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i have two assholes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Your cock deserves a montage
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize