So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
