So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
