he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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