She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
