Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize