i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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