The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i now understand why vodka
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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