I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
