No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
