Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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