Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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