My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
