dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
