Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
