the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
