bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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