Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
