I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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