also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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