I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
either way he was missing a nipple.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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