that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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