Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
