I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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