Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
