I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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