I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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