I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
