My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
