Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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