I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
