He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
